omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
