my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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