Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
