how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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