first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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