i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
