it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
wow bdsm is so cute
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
