Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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