FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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