Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
