Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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