You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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