I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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