I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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