Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
