Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
