all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
