So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
