there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This baby is an asshole
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
