Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
