Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize