I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You ate ashes out of my bong
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
