addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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