Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
