im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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