Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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