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He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize