I wish I could punch you in the face.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
