I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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