you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
