You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
