Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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