Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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