i wish my penis had a tongue
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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