I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
