I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
