I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
