I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize