Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
