I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
