I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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