i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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