Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
