Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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