OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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