I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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