There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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