I just threw up on my dentist
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Randomize
