put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
