also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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