I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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