I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
