You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
