I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
