i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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