Will you blow on my dice?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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