Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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