the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
