its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
