from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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