I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
