i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
