I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
