Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize