Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
be right there i have to get my cape
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
