the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
