literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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