I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
