Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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