Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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