Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
