if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
