Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
