Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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