I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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