I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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