Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
