So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
