We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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