so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
