I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
