smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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