i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
