so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
